just co-workers

“Penny, I like you”

The words had just left his mouth at the same time my brain decided to tune back into the conversation that we were having, I had a gut feeling I knew where this was going and had subconsciously decided to black out. He sat across from me, blonde hair reflecting in the bar lights, his agile fingers picking at the popcorn seated firmly between us. His eyes, the bluest blue to ever blue, opened wide and hopeful, searching for my answer.

“Penny, I like you”

Those words kept ringing in my head, humorously to the beat of a SZA song that was pumping through the speakers. My jaw was set, my eyebrows furrowed just enough that I knew the small parallel creases were forming in between them. 

He liked me.

We had been almost inseparable best friends for a few months now, and the platonic feeling I got around him was always so warm and refreshing, and now he’s confessing his love for me in the local sports bar on a Friday evening. 

It’s just after four p.m. so we are really the only people, other than the bartender, occupying the space. Decked out in sports memorabilia I care absolutely nothing about, the lights are low, the breeze cold from the open door. It’s just us. Table two up from the popcorn machine, for easy access. Our mission to consume the bar popcorn weekly had become a ritual neither of us wanted to admit we had started to cling to. 

The only thing we had started to look forward to. Bar popcorn meant just us. It meant long conversations about anything and everything, it meant that we could pretend, just for a while, that while we sat on the black uncomfortable chairs at the sticky black table, all of our problems didn’t exist. The outside world ceased to exist the moment we walked through the door

I laugh and brush my furiously curly hair over my shoulder, “Wow” I draw it out, to emphasize how “crazy” it is that he’s admitting this to me, “I mean I kinda figured” I shoot him a stern look, pausing for the effect that I really mean what I’m about to say, “but I want to stay just friends for now, ya know, I just don’t think it’s the right time”. 

I throw a popcorn kernel in my mouth and smile cheekily at him. 

It wasn’t. 

The right time was the opposite of where we were both currently at. It honestly couldn’t be a worst time. Why? Because I had broken up with my ex-boyfriend of three years a few months ago and still called and talked to him weekly, and Mr. Antonio With The Big Blue Eyes just broke up with his girlfriend, who I knew, of three years about a month ago. 

We were both hopelessly heartbroken but in our “fuck it we’re kind of over them but don’t know what is going on” era, desperately clinging to each other as we both understood exactly how the other person felt. We were best friends, we were also co-workers, and I was also so emotionally unavailable I should have changed my name to Chad and joined Appa Kappa I’m Going To Fuck With Your Emotions Because I Am Emotionally Distraught. 

He smiles, acknowledging my rejection. His white teeth have character, like an old apartment building stranded beautifully within a modern day housing development. They're grinning at me now. 

“I know” he says, laughing, high, bold, genuine. 

“I just had to tell you. But I love being your friend, your bestie” the slightly cringe yet endearing term I had given him absolutely sloshed on his birthday a few months ago. 

The bestest bestie. 

“I just want you in my life. So friends we shall be” he tossed a few popcorn kernels in his mouth and chomped away happily. 

Friends.

We were friends, and I loved being Antonio’s friend. 

I just couldn’t be more than anything right now, I truly didn’t have it in me. 

Though, I’ll secretly admit, as I sat there talking about work, social media ideas we had, Bad Bunny, and him occasionally throwing a sweet compliment my way, I thought about being more with Antonio, for the first time, really thought about it. 

More than just friends. 

More than just co-workers. 

More. 

Then we blacked out. 

***

author's note:

This is 100% how I remember this moment in my life, one day I'll write the full story, but for now, here's my opening scene for my up-and-coming, will be published one day novel, "Just Co-Workers", which is exactly what it sounds like. A little story surrounding how I hopelessly totally fell, platonically at first, for my co-worker, and here we are 2 years and some change, still going strong.