a little life: a haunting story of friendship & life
- paigenherbooks
- Aug 1, 2022
- 10 min read
5/5
A Little Life is a book that will forever hold a spot within in my heart. A story that unfolded horrifically at times but was beautiful within the same page turn. This story was one I was apprehensive to get into due to the stigma around but am so glad I did. A Little Life is a book about friendship, love, trauma, resilience, and ultimately sadness. A story so unique and beautifully crafted I think it'll sit on the shelf of classics someday.
A Little Life earned every star that can possibly be given.
Synopsis: When four classmates from a small Massachusetts college move to New York to make their way, they're broke, adrift, and buoyed only by their friendship and ambition. There is kind, handsome Willem, an aspiring actor; JB, a quick-witted, sometimes cruel Brooklyn-born painter seeking entry to the art world; Malcolm, a frustrated architect at a prominent firm; and withdrawn, brilliant, enigmatic Jude, who serves as their center of gravity.
TW: This review will most likely have spoilers so beware. The story also discusses graphic content such as: suicide, sexual abuse, rape, self harm, addiction, sexual assault, and assault.
Before I officially start I would like to say something. This book is heavy, traumatically so, and I'll be discussing it in-depth because I think it's important. I'm also going to be arguing FOR this book--a lot of people have some negative opinions, which is their individual right but as someone who is speaking from personal experience, this story holds more truth than I think people give it credit for.
So, I'm going to sound argumentative and crass at times.
To begin, I think I'm going to start with the story and what made it so memorable for me, before I go into our characters. The premise of the book is about four friends finding their way through New York in the seemingly present day.
We have JB, Malcolm, Jude, and Willem, our dynamic brood of boys who have been friends since college. The plot line at first shows pieces of the narrative from each character's point of view and due to this as a reader, I felt attached to all of them. That I understand the way they were and how they behaved, which ultimately I felt made sense, as the book thrusts into concerning more about Jude's story than anyone. I enjoyed this, I enjoyed the subtleness of seeing the other characters before they start to drift off and we see less of their POV's.
To me, it made sense, this story was always about Jude.
The implication of it being anything more in a way is to dishearten some of the major themes the author has crafted. The book surrounds Jude because the friend group did. They all loved their mysterious Jude and as the story progresses we see how each one grows independently of Jude's narrative, in an organic and almost side stage way. This is one of the first books I've read that is almost entirely character-driven. For being over 800 pages I was shocked by how engaged I was in the story for this being something that had little to no action. It is simply a diary in a way of Jude's life or a camera following the boys around as they simply live. The story is christened with different sections, i.e "The Happy Years" much as a diary or scrapbook would be.
It is a compilation of present day, flashbacks, and hopefuls. Three storylines that come together gracefully to deliver a story that is haunting, uplifting, and yet destroying all at the same time.
Our four main characters are all worthy and interesting within themselves. I of course loved Jude most of all which I will get into shortly.
JB.
JB was a feisty character, one that stayed true to himself throughout the story.
He was loud and opinionated but relatable in some ways. JB came from a good life, a great family system and seemingly had everything he could want. Even then JB still had his struggles, especially with addiction. JB's addiction was a pivotal moment for him and his character development. I think that without him hitting that low he wouldn't have grown at all, being stagnant in his almost entirely arrogant ways. By him hitting an absolute rock bottom and essentially burning every friendship bridge he had that meant something he has a choice. To either continue in his ways or to pick himself up and figure it out. He eventually does that latter which I was thankful for.
I think JB's character provides important insight into the fact that addiction or simply "bad things" can happen to anyone, it doesn't matter if you come from New York's most upstanding family.
If someone is "going through it" (I'm listening to "die for you" by the weeknd right now...I found the wording fitting haha) they can't always choose the "right" choice. I think JB showcased a lot of the human condition. How the want for these substances, wether it's drugs, food, money, alcohol, sex, success, to fill the holes of the people that we are is a desire so ingrained into us it happens.
JB was a success story.
Able to pick himself up from the ashes of his mistakes and turn his life around. JB provided a quick whip, he was there to be comedic while still provoking discussions that weren't always through words. His work with capturing moments of his friends and especially Jude was beautiful. Those moments where he created art from Jude, someone who viewed himself as broken and unloved, was touching.
Malcolm.
Malcolm also came from a good family, one that cared for him and supported him when he needed it. He was an artist of the mind and I enjoyed that Malcom wholeheartedly cared for Jude in what I deemed the quiet. He made sure his apartment was wheelchair friendly, that regardless of his physical health that Jude could enjoy his design. He fixed things behind the scenes and never asked for anything in return. He had a sense of normalcy that set the characters afloat a lot of times. Malcolm was the anchor to a "normal" life. One that wasn't wrecked by outside forces.
Willem.
Willem was Judes soulmate.
He really was and for that I am grateful. Grateful for all of the people that are like Willem, not perfect but there. I loved Willem's character--he was so human. He made mistakes don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day he loved Jude. I truly believe that with every fiber of his being Willem would have done anything for him. Willem was the sidekick, the support, the cane that Jude needed desperately.
Jude.
Jude was a character that I loved deeply and greatly.
One that I don't think I will forget anytime soon. Judes life was an echo of sadness and despair with highlighted moments of happiness that never lasted long enough. Judes narrative is plagued with sexual abuse and abuse in general. In flashbacks and present day memories that plague him until they can't anymore. In one section of the story Jude describes these traumatic memories as hyenas, and I think that's the perfect description. These memories that come out randomly, ready to feast on whatever happiness you are feeling in the current moment.
Jude was strong to me.
He had his issues, deep rooted ones, but I think for his situation he made the best that he could. That he pushed through even though he really did hate himself. And that was hard to read, to see the absolute hatred for a character that I was in love with. I wanted to tell him, just as his friends tried, that he wasn't worthless, that he was bright, and kind, funny, and sweet. Jude was a kind soul that deserved more than the story he was given. He deserved a love that was all encompassing for longer, he deserved the sweetest parents (Harold and Julia were excellent) he deserved everything. Judes narrative of mental illness was interesting to read as well. To see how he copes was graphic at times...but it was also real. The realness behind Jude's character was hard to read and understand at times, but it was real, it was raw, it was the unfiltered reality of mental illness and the results of abuse.
It wasn't pretty, but Jude was truly a masterpiece.
A lot of the reviews I read or listened to about this book had some negative implications that honestly made me feel a certain type of way. For arguments sake (come on guys I took a plethora of argumentative theory classes in college I have to use them sometime lol) I wanted to address some of these things.
First, "the story is trauma porn". I find this statement shallow and in some ways privileged. Judes story is one that I've lived, I've heard and I've seen. Not one thing that he goes through seems far fetched or too much, nor over done. The sexual abuse that he endures throughout the story is something that millions of children, women, and men go through at an almost minute by minute rate. The exploitation by religious figures, foster care system workers, as well as others isn't something that is too far or not real. I think those who find an issue with Judes story or consider his life "too much" should understand the meadow of comfortability, sanctity, and peace they have lived in and to that they should be thankful as I am that they lived there.
To undermine the struggles of real people in the reflection of a character is something I think is wrong-point blank.
I also think people need to read a bit more critically. For example, when Jude is hitchhiking a lot of people didn't believe every single truck driver was a pedophile. They may have been OR Jude has spoken many times on how his memories are blurry from that time period, how he can't fully remember everything that happened or didn't. Also, I don't think it's stated that every one who picked him up was a pedophile, I think it's easy to assume there was a mix, but as Jude is recounting his story to Willem, he wouldn't pause to justify this to the reader, he is recounting his demons. Let the man do that.
The Caleb incident.
There's the issue of him meeting Caleb his horrendous boyfriend that ends of beating and raping him. The peanut gallery has stated that it's unrealistic that Jude, whose life already is so hard, is able to find the "worst" guy in New York... and to that I say, I think it is probable.
Let me explain.
Jude holds himself in a way that is shy, he isn't overt with confidence and in the quiet it is easy to see that Jude is introverted. To someone who is a fucking asshole such as Caleb, they see a target, someone they can control and essentially break. It wasn't Jude's fault for "finding the worse guy" and I think that rhetoric is entirely based in victim blaming and doesn't understand the complexity of the concept. Caleb preys on Jude due to the presence he gives off due to his past. He lets things slide that perhaps most people wouldn't do to his immense shame he has from his past. Those who have been through exceeding traumatic situations sometimes have issues understanding and coping with self confidence as well as worth. They feel unlovable--which Jude says several times throughout the story.
People like Caleb exist, and they exist everywhere.
They are preying on the weak so that they can inflict whatever sadistic pain they want.
The presence of a disabled character. Many people were upset that the author "didn't do research" concerning disabled people and culture before writing Jude. While I can sympathize with that fact, I don't think that argument holds any weight here. For one, Jude becomes disabled in a car accident, something that I personally don't think insights too much research other than basic mechanics. I also found throughout the story nothing seemed far-fetched or medically inaccurate.
And those that say Judes character made them feel worthless because he hates being disabled, we must not have read the same book.
Jude hates his past, he hates the memories and fears attached to why he is the way he is, he wants to be able to be safe if he needs to be. Not to mention every character in this story tries their damnest to reassure Jude he isn't a burden, that his life matters, and more. I also don't think Jude being disabled is the reason he felt unworthy of love. That stems from the sexual abuse he has endured for most of his life. Which I will say is a very normal reaction to that kind of trauma.
The self harming.
The self harming scenes were some of the hardest to get through. They were painful to read and I was just saddened by the reasoning behind them. Willem knows that Jude cuts himself...in fact I think most of the friend group does. Many people argue that Willem is a shit friend and lover because he doesn't try to stop Jude.
I don't think that's true.
I think that Willem tried everything he could to make Jude stop but there's nothing he could have ever done. Willem doesn't have that power over Jude. No one can give Jude's life meaning except for Jude. Which will be a long time coming. Willem understands why Jude does it and is outright about how much he hates it and tries to be angry, sad, disgusted and everything in between to curate some kind of emotion from Jude to make him stop. And while Jude hates himself for it, these reactions simply fuel his self hatred and the whole self harming cycle begins once again. I wish Jude would have stopped but I don't think it's right to blame Willem or his friends on not "trying hard enough" I feel like they did try, but they didn't want to loose Jude.
The book overall to me was heartfelt and haunting. I literally haven't stopped thinking about it since I finished it on Sunday. This story is one that struck me to my core on the realness and rawness of trauma, life, love, and death. The last quarter of the book I cried.
I cried and I cried and I cried.
I cried for the characters who didn't get to live out the rest of the pages. I cried for the moments that were shared and those that never would be. I cried for the ending, I sobbed as I watched this character I had grown to love leave me behind in the pages.
This story is one that I won't forget soon. I think it showcases what unconditional love is, what real friendship is and what a little life is like. It's messy, it's hard, it's heartbreaking and unrealistically unfair at times. But within those moments there are the "happy years" highlighter marks through the novels of our lives that show there is always some kind light at the end of the hallway. I loved this story, It is one dear to my heart for very personal reasons. Jude St. Francis and his friends are characters I shall soon not forget.
Alas, happy reading friends and may you hug your loved one's closer and be kind to all you meet.
xoxo,
paige
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